Ps. 38,17-18 (sin, confession and penance)

“But I am prepared / for limping – and my pain / is continually / before me.” From his petition for healing we now find a type of acceptance on the part of the psalmist that, in fact, he may continue in his plight. He recognizes that Yhwh may not in face heal him. To me, especially in light of what has preceded this section, this is rather shocking. Are we finding here an acceptance on his part as to the effect (the sickness) of his sin? That he is willing to shoulder the burden of his sin, without complaint, because he knows that he is culprit and not Yhwh? This ‘readiness’ makes the following verse particularly interesting: “Indeed / I will declare / my wickedness – I am concerned / about my sin.” From his readiness to accept the effect of sin he moves into an actual confession of that sin. This is a remarkable statement regarding the psalmist’s understanding of sin, its effects and his responsibility toward it. First, the psalmist acknowledges (much like David did) that the effect of sin lingers long after its confession. It has a temporal reality to it that is not extinguished by way of its confession. Hence, he is ready ‘for limping’. Second, this reveals that the psalmist is concerned, primarily, with removing sin (as an obstacle?) from his life. Although the sin manifests itself in his dire sickness and in his alienation from others, its reality is more deeply rooted than those effects. In essence, the psalmist does not equate the effects of sin with sin itself. Third, the psalmist knows that confession of one’s sin, even if it does not eradicate sin’s effect, is crucial. One might surmise that sin grows by and through silence; that sin’s sun and warmth is the coldness and isolation of an individual’s refusal to confess. On the other hand, confession brings sin to light and causes its withering. Lastly, by accepting sin’s effect and confessing it, the psalmist engages in a form of penance. His willingness to ‘go on limping’ is his shouldering and accepting of the punishment ‘residue’ of sin (this is classic penance). Certainly, as we will see, he hopes for Yhwh’s deliverance and an ‘end to his limping’, but he is prepared to go on limping if it does not arrive. What is most important, is that he has confessed, that he is “concerned about my sin”. And who knows how this acceptance and penance is to operate within Yhwh’s schemes? How, dramatically, it will play a role assigned to it?